So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize