Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Enjoy the penises
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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