We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
