don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
