Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
