Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
