i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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