I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
