Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
