sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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