I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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