Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
