when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
