there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
