im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
