Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
