So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
