Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Less talking, more tequila
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
