in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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