you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
