he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
