It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
