i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
