would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
even my farts smell like vagina
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
