my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
