haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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