I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
