Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
