The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize