forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
