So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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