Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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