the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
