This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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