just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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