we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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