I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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