SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
