so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
