She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You ruined the universe
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
