I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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