Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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