she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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