A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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