And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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