Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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