Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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