i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
