I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
