i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
