I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How's work?
Spinning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
