We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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