remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
