this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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