i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
