I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
