I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
