If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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