At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
