Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
