..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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