my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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