You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
