All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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