I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
