; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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