Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
