Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
