Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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