I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
