I think scott just propositioned me for sex
too bad you live with your parents still
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
