You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
