So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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