That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
