is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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