I haven't been this sober since birth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
