just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
