Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
