i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize