oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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