My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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