I cockslap morals
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
