You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sarcasm needs its own font
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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