you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
