The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize