You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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