I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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