my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
