I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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