Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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