So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
3 2 1 whiskey
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize