Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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