I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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